i hate how she can look at him without disgust, how can she kiss him knowing all that hes done? it fills me with such rage all i can think about is ripping them to shreds, mostly killing him in front of her, seeing the horror in her face as the blood pours out of him seeping into his bed where he raped me, where he took everything from me. i hope he is haunted by me and what he did to me, i hope he can still hear me crying. i'm gonna get him sooner or later, i will never and i mean NEVER let him get away with this, he ruined me, a part of me is forever dead because of him. i flinch when someone raises their hand too close to my face, i tuck my head away in fear, they notice it too. when i tell them what he did to me they all have the same expression the same reactions to what he used to call me, what he saw me as, they all see him as a monster except for her. she sees him as some sort of saviour, a god when in reality he came up from hell. she knows what he has done and i truly hope one day she will feel the pain i did, the pain that has been eating me alive for over a year, how i look at the scars he left and how they still burn just as much as they did when he carved them in. his words forever lasting on my skin, on the part of my body he loved the most.

i know it sounds awful but somedays i hope she thinks of me and what happened in that house. she sat in the same places as me, stood in the same rooms, talked to the same people. i was there first. when she lets the blade sink into her i want her to think of me, think of him cutting SLAVE into my ass. fucking think of it ********. to others my hatred may seem pathetic and misplaced but i am just mad at him as i am at you. you are no better than a rapist. u are just as evil as him. how can you even live with yourself? i would be so ashamed to be you, i would just end it right there. maybe you should, do us all a favour and kill yourself.

the whole reason i feel so strongly about this beside from what it truly is (a girl knows i was raped then goes on to date my rapist), she also reminds me of how i used to be at that age. i was stupid and extremely naive, falling for the first guy who likes me back, i ignore the warnings and ended up raped. but she gets a different him. if what she says is true about him, that he is actually a sweet, loyal and caring guy to her, why did i get the complete opposite? i get the abusive version of him, the one who pushes my head down and cuts slave into my skin, makes me cut myself, starve, piss, embarrass myself. the one who ruined me. and he knows what he did, he knows he changed but why did abusing me make you become a better boyfriend to all the girls after me? why me? i guess we'll know in court