i know i shouldn't feel confused but i can't help it. i only chose that word because i don't know any other good description. i know i should be head over heels in love with him like i was with my exes but i just can't feel that. i do get really happy telling people about how great he is though, maybe because i got so used to having to lie about my exes being good when they were defnitley not so being able to be honest is nice. but when i see him i just don't feel that intenstity, our relationship is too good my brain doesn't know how to react, i don't wanna throw it away but i already have. i know i should want to be with him forever but i just can't get there i really can't. i don't love him the way i should.

well i broke up with him, i just couldn't force myself to love someone i just can't do that to him and me. of course i feel bad i was his first girlfriend i took his virginity so i know how sad he must be but that's life. it keeps going and all we can do is follow along. i'm not really that sad to be honest because i never was fully in love with him. i just liked being able to say i have a boyfriend which is wrong.